Yesterday.

Before I was getting ready for bed.. I was ecstatic. I have never been so happy in such a long time. Trust me, you can even ask Tyler or Ate Rachel. Really, though .. I was one of the happiest people on this world. And inside my heart, I was jumping all over the place. The kind of happiness I had was the "Im so happy, I could go dancing in the cold winter's rain right now." My smile was geniune, and it felt so good to be able to thank God on so many levels.

But after yesterday, I have come to realize that my worst enemy is no one, but myself. I am the primary root of all this pain I bear. I am causing myself to hurt more than I already do. And its scary, because I dont want to hold any of this negativity .. but its myself that continuously throws more sorrow onto my vulnerable body.

And you know how they say, "Sometimes.. people just need their time alone." Right now is probably one of those times where I am too afraid to be alone. Right now, I shouldnt even try surrounding myself with emptiness, because it only brings me down. Because when Im alone, my own mind reminds me of the things I dont need to replay in my head. When Im alone, I think about what can go wrong, and how matters can get worse. When Im alone, my optimistic mindset begins to swallow itself.

Once I said my goodbyes and goodnights yesterday, and began to prepare myself for bed .. I slowly felt my heart sink. I gradually began to see the smile on my face disappear into the dust. The only things that kept me going last night were Evening Prayers. Evening Prayers always end my night in a blessed way. Without them, I would be uninspired to wake in the morning. Without them, I would be lacking of the feeling that I did something beautiful, not only for myself, not only for Christ, but for you all.. you all that Im praying for.

Really, I think all I need right now is your prayers. I'll pray for you as you continue to pray for me.

Love,
Ria.