Hehehe.

"And when I think of you, I think about a lot of things. Beautiful things."

"I'd get to make you soup, and feed you, and watch TV with you, and make sure you're fine when you're asleep, and make sure you know someone that cares is there for you!"

"I want to see, how pretty it's gonna be. Dr Suesssss =D"

"It's always nice to hear that you're here for me. And you're [...] So that makes it even better =D"

"Of course I'd accept you. You're such a positive influence on me, and you're pretty."

Hahaha. Life is goood, yeah? :D

That'd be music to my ears, and butterflies to my tummy, and forever in my heart =D

My new long-term goal in life.

I want to do a cover like this with the man of my dreams.
:D <3

Thank you. :D

Thanks for being you. And thanks for bringing yourself into my life. Im so grateful for you, and Im pretty sure you know that. But still. x] Those .. like 5 minutes with you were simply amazing. :D Please stay, okay?

We're getting somewhere.

And that somewhere seems amazing. Im glad that youre opening up, a lot. Im glad that youre up for change and that youre going to accept whatever God intends for you. Im glad that youre sticking around, and not temporarily, not for instant gratification. You plan on staying as long as God wants you to. Right? This is how its supposed to be. This is how you work to live with God in the middle of the relationship. Im praying for this so much. Im praying that God wants this as much as we do. I dont think I want to live the future any other way. But if God plans it to be different, we'll be fine. Because I know that you'll be a better person. A better child of God. A better witness of His Love. Which is my exact reason for being here for you; so that you may see The Light in the way that I do. Thats why I constantly pray for you, for us, actually. I pray that we do make it through the trials, through all of the tests we're given. Whether it be together or apart, I'll be happy. I'll be happy knowing that I helped in converting your heart. I helped open your eyes. And that I put you on the road to a saved soul. So no matter what happens, no matter what God intends for us, you'll have a play in my heart. You'll be in my prayers.

July 16.

That day was a blast. :D So since I havent blogged in a while, Im sorry. Hahaha. I fell asleep around 2 something, since I had to be up by 830am, but then JC called me before 3, and we talked for a bit. Well, we didnt really talk .. we sang. Hahaha. Then I had the hardest time falling back asleep and I kept waking up at random times. UGH. Oh well, then I woke up at 830 and I called Kirby to wake him up, but he was already awake with Daniel. I was surprised that some of them over there woke up so early! But Daniel had behind the wheel, so yeah. Then I started getting all the stuff I needed to fix up Camille and Tedric for the Mr. Pogi Pageant. Im telling you, I was like .. forreal their mentor. Hahaha. Mostly for Tedric, of course. Then I waited forever for Christine to pick me up! They finally got me before 11. We were jamming in the car, it was funny. When we got there, we had to make Tedric's bio longer. We put all this random stuff, like if he sang in the shower and the Barney stuffed animal he slept with. Hahaha. BUT THEY DIDNT EVEN READ THE WHOLE THING, MAN. GAWSH. Oh well. Then Camille made fried rice! It was good, just too much onion. xD Then I fixed my hair, and Camille took a shower so we watched iCarly and Camille blow-dryed her hair. I was so proud of myself after curling Camilles hair so quickly. :] It looked gaawhjuss. And her make up was simple, but lovely too! And Tedric won 3 awards - People's Choice, Mr. Popular, and Mr. Suave. I really thought he was going to win first place, but its okay. Im still super proud of him. Im also really glad that he got to experience it. Hes a better person now. More open & participant. :D Its guhreat. And hes going to the PI soon! SO LUCKY. Then after Mr. Pogi, Sunshine, Camille, and I rode with Kyle to Sonics! We met up with Kirby, Nghia, Andrew, Kim, Erica, Isiah, Marlon, and Daniel. It was super fun. I officially really like the Lemon Berry slush! Afterwards, we were SUPPOSED to go to practice. But then we went to Nghias. Hahaha. His house is pretty nice, actually. Then we took a tour of the house & we chilled. And then they played Soda Pong and Rock Band. Then we left. D: But then we went to Mark's house! Hahaha. It was aiiight. We didnt stay very long, but oh well. Then we went to practice and made up excuses. HAHA. "We went to Sonics and they took so long giving us their food. And Kyle's been having a headache, so we decided to let him rest for a while at Quinnie's house. That didnt help very much so we went to a drug store to by him some medicine." Then at practice Auntie Julie wanted to order pizza! So me, Camille, Sunshine, and Kyle were like .. "OKAY WE'LL GET IT." Hahaha. So we drove to Nghias house and ordered the pizza there. But Kyle and Sunshine went to Marks. Then Sunshine, Kyle, Brandon, Queenie, and a few other FACADE kids came over Nghias. Then me, Nghia, and Kirby started cleaning up the SP table .. but then they played again so that was pointless. Hahaha. Then the pizza came! And then we had to leave, again. Then when we got there everyone was kinda upset with us, but oh well. The pizza was there, they shouldve been grateful. Hahah. But yeaaah, I had a wonderful time. :] Until our next adventure, you guys. ;D

Please.

Throw rocks at my window.
Serenade me.
Lock your eyes with mine.
Hold my hand.
Bake cookies with me.
Stare at the stars with me.
Sweep me off my feet.
Carve our names in the sand.
Pick me flowers.
Sit under a shady tree with me.
Walk beside me along the shallow water.
Watch a movie with me.
Take me to the clouds.
Let my heart skip a beat.
Make me smile.
Teach me how to love.
Stay by my side.
:D

Oh man, Im so bored. Hahaha.

Kumbaya Raisins.

We made baby names. HAHAHA. :D
And our dog's name is going to be King Triton.
And if we have a fish .. its going to be named Mushu. xD

Oooops.

Its been a while since Ive posted. Well, it hasnt been that long. It just feels like it since I post like .. at least once a day, usually. But I'll start from JULY 4th. :D T'was funnnn! Fil-Am Festival is always fun. AMP43 probably had the best sound and best performance, yet. Im proud of us. It was just really hot on stage. Hahaha. A lot of people cheered for us, I loved the support. <3 And I hugged Kuya Mike Arellano AGAIN. :D Ahhhh. Haha, man. If he really was related to me or whatever, I'd be like, the happiest relative ever. HAHA. But yeah, I hugged him twice. Probably the highlight of my past week. And the whole time at Fil-Am, I pretty much hung out with Camille, Kirby, Kyle, and Nghia. And Jor, Daniel, Kim, Vince, Ronnie, Johnny, and Brandon too. But yeah, they seemed to have a lot of fun. :] Especially Kirby and Nghia on the obstacle course. HAHA. Nghia lost every time. xD And then during Desi's performance, Im mad they knew like all of the words. HAHAHA. And serving food was actually really fun! I enjoyed it. Kirby said it was really fun too. But I had to serve the unpopular stuff: Onions and Baked Beans. -_- I got turned down so many times. Not even cool. Hahaha. The serving held us back for like .. 2 extra hours. Then we went home & then we got ready & went to Ate Laras! That was fun too. THE FOOD WAS SO YUMMY. :] It always is, though. And talking to Ate Lara about all the things going wrong with Elaines Debut. D: HAHA. Funny stuff. And then we went to SanLo pretty late. But it was funny cause when I walked in with Camille, Christine, and Kuya Rayneil the whole MHCC table were screaming stuff like, "I LOVE AMP43!" Hahaha. I love MHCC kids. :D Theyre so funny & amazing. The sound system wasnt very good there, so our songs were okay. But oh well .. the day was fun in the end. And then the switching of roses with Abby. And giving Adrian a broken rose was PRICELESS. xP And then I gave it to Nathan & Nate's face was so .. seductive. It was ridonkulous. And Im going to miss B! Hes so chill. And Im still upset that JC left without learning a line dance. :[ But yeaaah. I had a good 4th of July, although I still regret not seeing fireworks.

Anywaaaaays. Hm, I cant really think of much to say at the moment. So I'll start with random stuff. I LIKE JOHNNY'S BUZZ CUT. :D Ohmygosssh. I really like it. Haha, Im surprised Andrew did it. Oh and since youre probably going to read this, I like your haircut too Ronnie. Hahaha.

So, on a more serious note. Im still confused. I still think that I moved into this too fast, so Im kind of pushing away. I should have taken things way slower, because I just dont want to jump from one guy to the next. Im not like that. And every time I think about you, I still think about .. that. But I know youre so much better than that. I know that you are so much more amazing. And I really, really want to convert you. SO MUCH. Its okay that you backed out on confession. Maybe God doesnt believe that youre ready or prepared enough yet. But to leave and make such a big decision like that? Its so much harder than you think. I cant just watch you leave when I've barely taught you or showed you anything of what being Catholic really is. I mean, how can you possibly think of just .. suddenly leaving Catholicism? There is so much more this religion offers. I dont want you to leave it all behind. In our Catholic faith, we physically consume the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of our Lord Jesus Christ. He sacrificed so much. So much, for us to simply nourish ourselves at every mass. PHYSICALLY. What more can you ask for? What more can you look for? How much closer could He be to you? He is already within us. He is already taken by us. Not only do we get to eat like those at the Last Supper, we are given so much more. And I want to show you & introduce you to all of that. I really do. So please, dont give up yet. And yesterday, at mass, the priest said, "Faith is believing in what you cannot see. Faith is believing in what you see in other people." You said that you never had a good example of a Catholic. Thats why I want to bring you to my youth. To St. Luke's youth. They are such powerful and such pure examples, that you will be so inspired right away. Theres so much love I see in them, and thats because they have truly experienced God's Love. They have truly given themselves up, completely offered themselves to feel and see God's True Presence. And thats what I want for you. I want you to witness God. I want you to seek Him. I want you to find His Mercy. And care for Him. And want Him. More and more as each day passes. So please please please. Let me show you around first, before you walk away.

Yessssir.

Like I said, today turned out to be a greaaat day. :D I mean, I had some issues here and there, but overall .. I had a good day. When we were eating, it was soooo haawt outside. And of course the spaghetti was good cause Auntie Flor made it. & Kyles facial expression was so funny when he ate that weird dessert thing. Rondalla was aiiight. Uncle Jojo was just really thankful that I was paying attention to him the whole time. :] Then AMP43 was in such a rush to get ready, since we were up next with like a 10-minute gap. And our performance was pretty good actually. Few minor technological errors, but I had a good time. We had a photo shoot outside afterwards! The pictures turned out nice .. but I got bit. >.< And I wish Kyle brought his camera, oh well. Next time! ;D And it wasnt until the photoshoot that I noticed how nice our outfits were. Then we watched the rest of the show, and Stephanie Reese wasnt even as good as I was expecting. -_- Hahaha. Oh well. After, we went to IHOP! It was fun. Kyle's water with strawberry syrup was pretty banging. & I am SO FULL. Hahaha. I havent been to IHOP in so long. I think the last time I went was with Kyle and some other people when the fireworks got canceled on July 4 last year. xD Well, yeah. That was my daaaay. :]

--Sorry, boring post. Nothing really exciting or juicy. Hahaha.

Excited.

Today is going to be a good day, I hope. Well .. I woke up early to wait for my mom to come home & shes already stressed out. -_- She tried to email her boss this morning, but then it all got erased when she was going to send it, so she just left without typing another email. Then on her way home, there was an accident & they blocked the road so she had to take a longer route home. And now, shes being all confusing about our ride to Virginia Wesleyan later on. So Im going to ask my dad if he is okay with us going with Christine, and if he is .. then we'll go with them. But yeah, hopefully the day turns out to be better. Im pretty nervous about our AMP43 performance today. Im praying that we sound good & that we only have a few technological errors, if not any. This is like our huge performance in front of a large crowd & we're opening for Stephanie Reese! So hopefully people like us & cheer for us. :D Support & love always keeps us going. We're doing PYC Rondalla too, and I think we're good with that. I just hope the 10 minute gap between PYC & AMP43 is enough for us to get ready.

On the other hand, I already feel like we're growing distant. WHY?! I hardly talked to you yesterday. But this is all about the time and space thing, right? Unless youre still sad & down. I want to help you, but I dont know how. I dont know what to do. And promise, I still want to help you change and become a better man not only for you but for God. Nghia and I were talking about it yesterday before you came over.

[11:09] Me: I know. I dont want to make it seem like or feel like Im the rebound just so his break up doesnt hurt him as much.
[11:09] Me: Im not planning to get a boyfriend soon anyways.
[11:09] Nghia: i mean its not about the title
[11:09] Me: OF COURSE.
[11:10] Me: Even if Im really really in love with someone, I'd like to have some time to make sure I know what Im doing.
[11:11] Nghia: well thats a good thing then
[11:11] Me: Yeah, I promise. Im pretty sure I know what Im doing.
[11:11] Nghia: mkay.
[11:11] Me: And if I ever lose sight of what Im doing, then I'll tell someone and seek help.
[11:12] Nghia: just keep that in mind then
[11:12] Me: I will.
[11:12] Me: You already know that Ive never had a boyfriend. And this first boyfriend spot really means so much to me.
[11:12] Nghia: yeah
[11:13] Me: And it definitely isnt just the title. Its the feeling. I have to feel like I know this is right. And not only do I have to feel it, I want my family & friends to think that Im doing things right.
[11:14] Me: I mean, the title plays a role too though. I would love to marry my first boyfriend because of such a strong bond & love. But thats like .. a miracle. But that doesnt mean like Im losing hope about it.
[11:14] Nghia Le: it seems like you know what youre doing ria
[11:14] Nghia Le: just keep that up
[11:15] Me: Thanks.
[11:15] Nghia: god, family, and friends. youve got your piority straight
[11:15] Me: Yeah, I poured out my whole life story at the moment with my auntie yesterday. & she also said that she feels like I know what Im doing.

[11:31] Nghia: so the point that im getting at is that
[11:32] Nghia: its a good thing that youre helping him get closer to god
[11:32] Nghia: and i hope that everything work out well
[11:32] Nghia: and he put god first during this ordeal
[11:32] Me: Mhmm.
[11:33] Nghia: i dont want him to use god as a way to get to you thats what im trying to get at
[11:33] Me: Every moment of your life, you need God. There isnt a time when He shouldnt be there. And hes starting to realize that.
[11:33] Me: And exactly.
[11:34] Me: I told him not to do this for me. But for himself, so that he may become a better person. But not only for himself, but for the Greater Glory of God. So that he may become a better child of God, and share it with the sinful world we're living in.
[11:34] Nghia: i hope that he can see that
[11:35] Nghia: i dont want him to repeat the same mistakes as he did in the past
[11:35] Nghia: i dont want him to change for anyone but himself.
[11:35] Me: Exactly what I said in my blog, it doesnt matter what happens to us. I mean, it does matter, but I cant really word it in the way I'd like to. If God doesnt intend anything for me & Kirby, then okay. If Kirby isnt the one God has planned for me, then okay. Either way, Im going to benefit from this. & so will he, I hope. Either way, Im going to work to save his soul. Because hes so broken. And I cant help to see him smiling when his relationship with God is almost fading.
[11:38] Me: And honestly, if he does this for me .. then there is no reality to it. He really wont learn anything from it if he does it for me. If he does it for me, then how does he show God that he believes that God is important? If hes doing this for me, then he might as well quit. Cause doing it for me gets him no where. He needs to want this for himself. He needs to want this because he wants God. Thats what I want to see in the end of all this. I want him to be so deeply in love with God .. so much that he might even forget that Im even here. I want him to fall so deep in love with God that I just become another child of God.
[11:38] Me: I dont want him to forget me, but I'd rather be forgotten instead of Kirby forgetting God's love.
[11:40] Nghia: yeah i hope that he understand that
[11:40] Me: I know.
[11:40] Me: But Im not expecting him to understand it anytime soon.
[11:41] Nghia: for now just give him time
[11:41] Me: I mean, if he does understand it soon .. then great. Lets keep moving ahead & following God's Will. But if it takes more time, then I'll stick around & let him go his own pace.

PS: For all of you guys who are actually reading my posts, Im sorry that theyre so long. -_- Dont waste your time reading them if you dont find them interesting. Hahaha.

Thank God.

I love starting it off that way. "Thank God." I really should, more often I mean. Yesterday was such a fruitful day for me. I learned so much and I opened up so much. It was just great. Mhcc, you guys are an amazing bunch of kids. I'd love to be surrounded by you guys forever. Well, yesterday at Kapamilya during Q&A, I got so much out of it. One of the questions that got to me the most was like, "How do you know how to convert someone correctly, especially of the opposite sex?" Amy's answer was mortification. Mortification is a great sacrifice, it really is. When it comes to the opposite sex, mortification is not standing too close to one another all the time, its not always touching each other, its not looking each other straight in the eye every time. I want to do this. I feel like mortification will get us so far. It'll make us so strong & realize so much more. But most of all, it will help us to seek God more. That in the times we get tempted to come in contact with each other, we ask for God's help. That in the times when I just want to hold you, I'll tell God, "May Your Love be sufficient for me." Mortification is a powerful spiritual excercise. And Im totally up for it. In fact, Im starting today. Also, I love what Rochelle said. Its sad that I cant remember exactly what she said, but she said something like .. "Hide your heart in God. So if the guy wants to come chasing after your heart, he'll have to know God's Love first." Im going to ask her what she said exactly. It was really powerful. And the message is so amazing, in a way that I would have never thought, honestly. I want to hide my heart in God. I'll show you my love, but I want to show you God's Love first. I want you to feel His Mercy, I want you to see His Grace. I want you to feel Him, Truly Present. Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity.
I know this is getting really long, but I still have a lot to say. Im telling you, my day was really fruitful. So, while everyone was line dancing & just having a good time at Kapamilya, I decided to talk to Auntie Tes. Im going to start talking to her more often. She really is so easy to talk to, Im so comfortable around her. And she has really gone through a lot, and almost all of her advice comes from personal experience, which is good, because I learn so much better when I can connect. But anyways, I told her about him & our situation. I told her how he really really likes me, but I told him to wait. That I told him to wait, until I was ready, until I felt that we were both ready. And I told her of his patience, of his willingness, of his committment. Then I told her what hurt me most. I almost cried, honestly. Because she understood how I felt. She understood that I would want a chaste spouse. Someone who reserved themselves for a later time, when God gave complete permission. Not when you lose yourself, but when you sacrifice & offer up everything, until the day, when your pledge is amended because of that most beautiful day of your life. I told her that we wanted to put it into God's hand. I told her that I wanted to help you grow into your faith. I told her that I wanted time & space, and that you understood that. I told her that your values & beliefs are so amazing, but when you fall short .. you lose everything. Completely. And I told her thats what confused me. I told her thats what hurt me the most. That when you forget some of your values, you forget all of them. That I didnt know what happened at the time, and I dont know where God was at that time in your heart. I told her that I want you to go to confession, and adoration. I told her that you realized that it was time to change. And that you wanted to be a better person, not for me, but for yourself & for the Greater Glory of God. She told me that it seems like Im doing the right thing. She told me that whether something happens to us in the future, everything will turn out for the better. Because even if we're not intended for each other, then I saved your soul. Even if we dont get together, I helped God convert your heart & open your eyes to the Light. She told me that I should start inviting you to our youth events, and that you'll really see change within your heart. I told her that some of us were already friends with him, so that its much easier for him to be comfortable with us. I hope you do come, Im sure you will. I hope you join us, cause I can only do so much. I am offering a lot for you, but like we talked about yesterday at Kapamilya, a guy needs another guy too. Same gender friendships work so well anywhere in life, even spirtitually. God gave same gender friendships so that you can be taught to serve & love God in the way you were made to, from the same point of view you have. I know its going to take time, I know its going to be a lot to take in, I know its going to take a while for you to understand & follow what we do, but I know you'll make it. Everyone has their own needed amount of time, everyone lives life at their own pace. So lets watch & guide you into taking baby steps to live your life for God.