Thank you.

1. Thank God, Jesus, and Mary for always being here for me. Thank You for always being here for me, no matter what. Thank You for always getting my faith back up when its falling down. Thank you Mama Mary, for always interceding for me. And for being a beautiful mother. <3
2. Mommy and Daddy, there is basically no way I can thank you both enough. You both have always put up with me, have always looked out for me, and have always loved me. Thank you for raising me into the person I am, but also thank you for letting me grow and learn some things on my own. I will be here for you both, forever. I promise.
3. Spffl, thank you for staying in my life. Thank you for always loving me and always accepting me, even though I lose a lot of time with you because Im so busy. Thank you for always watching out for me, and always praying for me. Thank you for bringing me closer to God. Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for everything. I love you.
4. Ate Rachel, thank you for being my little big sister. You really have changed my view on my entire situation. Thank you for being so cute, haha. And always making me smile. Thank you for welcoming me into your family and for always making me feel at home. Thank you for always giving me a reason to be happy. Im always, always praying for you. We can do this. :D
5. AJ, thank you for putting up with me. You have seen so many sides of me, yet you still manage to be the one to stay by my side. Thank you for always worrying about me, for always picking me up when Im down. Thank you for being here for me all the time. Through the hearts of Jesus and Mary, 5 years .. and still going strong. [;
6. Elaine, thank you for letting me tell you anything without having to worry. Thank you for being someone I can trust. Thank you for all the memories, and all of our pictures. I miss being your pen pal. Haha. Oh well, I still love you. Hehe.
7. Nghia, thank you for being sooo lulzy. Hahahaha. You make my days so much. You really do. xD Thank you for our love-hate relationship. Thank you for always keeping me entertained, and for writing me notes even though it felt kinda gay. Thank you for being in this friendship with me, even though I leave you out sometimes. Im sorry if I make you feel like I dont need you, because I do. Youre one of the reasons why I smile on a daily basis. And you have helped me so much through all of my stressed out moments. Thank you for being such a fun best friend. :P I know it was a joke before, but it feels real to me. Im always here for you, trust me. Okay?
8. Marlon, you drive me crazy sometimes. HAHAHA. But you are so fun to talk to. Im so glad we got closer. It feels like we've been friends since like, 5th grade. Hahaha. Its fun messing around with you, and "burning" each other. Even though its just an insult. Lolol. And when I see this face: x] it reminds me of you. And those historical moments make me want to cry. HAHAHA. But like I said before, Im so glad that I got to be your partner for Kims debut. And yeah, I do miss being your partner and all.. but thats how it goes. Btw, your smile is so gorgeous. It makes me jealous, usually.

<3

Dear AJ,

You little menance.
You little sneaky, sly boy.
Get outta here, boy.
Remember what they taught you in elementary school?
"HANDS TO YOSELF FOOL."

Love,
Ria.

Dear Ria,

I've never written to you, ever. Haha. I think Im going to do this more often though; it seems like it will help out a lot. I dont know.. we'll see.

But anyways, you should be happy. Really happy. You should take the time to look around you and realize how many beautiful people you have that care about you. Most especially your family. Stop taking advantage of them. Yes, that includes mommy and daddy. Remember? You want to be the girl they're proud to call their daughter. Make it happen. You seriously have put them through enough stress, I promise. And your friends? I really do feel like youre making a lot of new friendships, and developing new relationships. But thats fine! The more the merrier? Isnt that what they say? Well, yeah. Its true in some cases, but dont leave your old friends behind. They are waaaay too important. Always talk to them! And keep up with them. You know you love them; show it more often. :D Tell them that you miss them. Talk to them and share a healthy, cute laughter.

Girl, stop stressing out so much. You worry about so many little things, and big things as well. But you worry a lot. Just like Nghia said. Its just making you miss out on your childhood. Hold on to it, because I know once youre older .. youre going to look back and be like, "I could have lived a much brighter life." So have some fun! And be that optimistic person you say you are, or at least try to be. Yeah, there are going to be some conflicts, and there are going to be times when you get into a negative situation, but I know you can find a peachy keen way out of it. I know it.

Accept yourself for who you are. God created you, and you are beautiful in His eyes. Remember?! So dont be so hard on yourself. Look in that mirror, and accept who you have become. And yes. We can all change, at any given time and point. But love who you are! You must learn to love yourself in order to love someone else entirely. And you may not always feel beautiful; its human nature. But give yourself a little smile. And dress up every once in awhile. Enjoy who you are, and flaunt your flaws. Haha. Never forget: God believes that you are a beautiful child of His. And someone out there will tell you one day, "You are the most beautiful girl on this world." And you'll believe it.

Its okay. Everything is going to be okay. God has a plan for you, and one day .. it will all work out. And all the pieces will finally fit. Hes still here, right? And remember what he told you? "Dont beat yourself up about it."

Love,
Yourself.
<3

"Real men are allowed to cry because Jesus wept."
-Brother Ryan Castro.

This was so cute. Let it all out, fellas.

So,

I just realized that I cry easily. Much more than I used to. I dont know why. And today, was the first time I felt lonely in a long time. Like, I was serious about it. I felt so sad and lonely after reading those. But I was laughing, I guess it was a cover-up. I think Im getting better at covering up my feelings. Thats not a good thing, though. And sometimes, I feel like Im losing the people I always opened up. Sometimes, when I talk to them about you, I feel like Im just wasting their time. And that maybe theyre tired of hearing that kind of stuff. Why do these feelings always consume my happiness? I hate this. This sucks. I need You.

"“when the person you love tries to leave, hold on to them. it may hurt, but all they need is to realize how much you really do care.”"

Oh hay, dreamboys.

1. I wish Jesse Barrera was cute. Haha, seriously. I wish his physical appearance could match the level of his vocals. That would be hawt. Either way, Jesse Barrera's voice is gorgeous.
2. All this talk about Jay Legaspi finally persuaded me to check him out. I love his voice. And his song Friend Zone and When the Lights Burn Out. :D
3. Gabe Bondoc, I love everything about you. Dont change. <3 HAHAH.
4. So many people say that AJ Rafael is a cocky person. Im not sure if I believe that or not. But I can say that Gabe's voice is much more alluring. Then again, theyre both awesome musicians.
5. Omgggg, if anyone out there has a voice like Andrew Garcia, they are something special. I love every single cover Andrew Garcia has done in the past. Most especially his Gravity cover with Esna and Sunday Morning and Lost Without You cover with Angie. Owww owwwww. <3

Dear you,

It's hard for me to even think of living my life without you here. And I know that it hurts you to see that I still feel the same about you, even though you're already adjusting. But sometimes, I wish I could have made you understand how much I could offer, and how much I was willing to sacrifice. I'm doing fine, yes. I seem to be much better at coping than I ever was before. I know I shouldn't; but why do I feel like I should be forcing myself to get over you? Cause obviously, I don't want to. Then again, I should keep an open mind and heart. Tell me if there is a way how because my mind is overflowing with thoughts of you, and my heart continuously beats for you.

Please, pray for me.

Love,
Ria.

Dear Lord,

I've come to finally realize, with the help of Ate Rachel, what True Love really is.
You gave up Your everything, for us. You knew that it was going to be painful, yet You didnt back out.
Even if we decided to turn our backs on You, You would still be here for us.
And no matter how long it takes us to prepare ourselves, You'll be waiting patiently.
And even if we forget to talk to You on a daily basis, You're still willing to listen.
And although we constantly hurt You, Your love still remains undying.
So thats the kind of love I want. Thats the kind of love I want to experience.
No, not the ones in movies, not the ones in songs. Not anymore.
I want the love You have showed us. I want the love You share with us.
I want the love that I should have acknowledged a long, long time ago.
I love You, Lord. May Your Love be sufficient for me.

-----

And this is why I am still that hopeful, wishful romantic. Only more considerate.
That even if you provide me with inconveniences, I will still stand beside you.
If it means that I must wait for you, I can occupy myself with other matters.. but you'll be the one I'd like to see in the future.
And even if we dont talk everyday, or even every other day, whatever conversation I get to share with you will be worthwhile.
Dont worry if you feel that you have hurt me; my love for you still goes on.
No matter what; whether you are the one for me or not; I will love you.
Always and forever. Like I told you before. <3

In Gods name we pray.
Amen.

Love,
Ria.

Dear AJ,

Our time has come.
Im sorry for letting you down.
But, it looks like we dont have anymore room for each other.
And suprisingly, I dont care. Yeah thats right.
I said I dont care. For once I want to be oblivious.
Im going to pretend that nothing happened because I feel better that way.
Please go away. Let me be myself and dont look at me.
I guess I should thank you for everything.
Then again, its kay. Bye.

What?!

Who knew blogspot wasnt blocked at school?! >:]
Anyways, Im in first block right now.
Doing the usual: NOTHING. :D HAHAH.
Except tetrisfriends.com.
And tumblr.
And listening to my iPod.
And now this.
Thank you, Mr. Phelps.

Love, Ria.

PS: Guess what? I got a 100 average in this class.
OH HECK YES. [:

Dear Michael and Paola,

I love you guys. (:
Thank you so much for coming over yesterday.
Even though if it was supposed to be for Paola's project. :P
You guys really made my day yesterday.
And for some reason, when its just us three .. its so fun!
We always find something to do, or something to talk about.
Michael, I literally did laugh at everything you said.
You are so lame sometimes. But then its funny. Haha.
And see, that personality thing even got it right.
HAPPY NINE MONTHS TO YOU AND ATE. <333
So cutee naman. Hehehe.
Paola, you already know. Even though we were just in the room,
and I was doing my own thing and you were doing your project,
I enjoyed it. Hahah, it was quiet .. except for the music,
but I liked being with you. xD
The sushi we made was actually pretty goood.
And the dancing party we had for Keia.
Im sorry that Im so late on opening up to you two.
I guess it took me this long to realize how much I should keep you guys up to date.
And you both really do bring the best out of me.
Stop laughing, Michael. Im serious. Hahahaha.
But yeah, whenever we talk to each other .. it feels natural!
Even if its about something weird, or one of my secrets.
So from now on, I wont hide anything from the both of you.
I promise. Until our next time together. (: Oh wait, tonight.
Hahaha. Kay baaaaaaaaaaai.
Love, Ria. :D

Dear bff,

I still find the time to read your blog.
And you are not lame. xD
For me, blogging is really where I put down whatever is on my mind.
So start with that. Put anything down.
It can get pretty interesting, trust me.
Or if there is something you cant say outloud,
Or something you want to tell someone but dont have the courage yet,
Dont be afraid. Say it on here. Blurt it out .. on the keyboard. :P
I know you like to talk about things IRL,
But we're human. It gets frightening sometimes.
And this blog will always just be something to look back to.
To remind you of the past, to laugh at, or to inspire you in the future even.
So say what you need to say. It does get hard when youre clueless as to what you want to talk about it.
Or how you want to word it.
If so, then dont blog at that moment!
People dont write in their journals or diaries if they aint got nothing to say, fool.

Love,
Bff. (:

How I feel about you;

Yeah, I feel like copying Bomban on this one. I think now would be a good time to talk about everyone, or most people, that mean a lot to me.

So lets start off with you, BOMBAN:
-Every time I have a good moment with you, I think about the times when I thought you were nothing but a person who did crazy, weird things. Hahaha. I mean, I didnt think you were a bad person, at all. I just thought you were all for teh lulz. Haha. But Im glad to know you better now. And I enjoy seeing that "other side" of you. Really, you are one of the people who have helped me the most with all of the times I overthought me and Kirbys relationship. And Im grateful for you because of that. But not just that, Im thankful that you can listen to me rant about whatever. That I can joke around with you. That I can forget about all the strict rules of my life, and just... live. That we can talk about whats going on in our lives and help each other along the way. I know you dont believe me when I say this, but you and Kirby act so alike sometimes. In a good way, usually. And your new frames make you look so cute. Im not even kidding. Haha. And I really miss our fearsome foursome. Dont you? PS: I still think its so funny how you used to call me "daddy's little girl" over the summer. :P

PAOLA:
-Oh, yooooou. There is hardly ever a time that I dont like you. Haha. Lately, you have made me feel so, so, so good to have you around. And I love how we've known each other since you were like five. xD Or before that..? Haha. I like how you are easily amused. I like how youre simple and not too girly. I like how youre just, you. :] But I just want to say that Im sorry. Im sorry that I dont hang out with you as much during school. Please though, dont believe that Im just taking advantage of you.. or that Im getting tired of you. Because its not true. And Im pretty sure you will never think that, because youre just a really good friend and we dont have extreme restrictions or expectations like that. But yeah, the kind of friendship we share is different compared to everyone else. Remember, we're still going for that dream goal! If you know what I mean. ;D <3

ADRIAN:
-Bff. Forreal, that name fits you so well. There is nothing about you that I dont admire. Everything about you makes you seem .. so blessed. Youre truly a gift from God to me. I honestly dont know where I would be without you. And you have put up with me so much! I cant believe it. Four years and still going strong. :D Im sorry for ever letting you down. And Im sorry if I ever annoyed you, or if I was too blind to realize something about you. But I know for a fact that we will honestly be best friends forever. There is nothing that will tear us apart. Through the hearts of Jesus and Mary. [:

JC:
-I feel like we've been through a lot already. Not necessarily in a bad way, because now .. youre like my closest guy friend. Really, you are. And you know that already. Oh man, there is nothing wrong about you. Haha. Seriously, I dont like it when people talk about you because of what happened in the past. Because it doesnt really matter now. At least, to me it doesnt. Everything that we went through in the past lead to you becoming my best friend. And if someone is reading this and wonders why, its because I can relate to you on any level. Our connection is beyond explanation, isnt it? I mean .. yeah, there are times when I cant figure out how to help you, and Im sorry for that. And sometimes we dont talk as much like every other pair of best friends, but hey. I dont really mind, because I know that youre still there. And if someone ever tries to make you believe that you arent fit to be my best friend, theyre wrong. Thank you for everything. Dont change.

CAMILLE:
-You and me, Camille, you and me. Hahaha. Seriously, we have so many up and downs. And for all of the times I hurt you, for all the times that I gave you an attitude, and for all the times I made you feel like I didnt care about you, Im sorry. Please forgive me, bestfriend. You deserve so much better. You work so hard in life, and youre so jumpy when youre happy. I love it. Hahah. It gets kinda funny sometimes, but dear .. Im not laughing at you. Youre just cute. Hahaha. Thank you for putting up with me, forreal. I think you put up with me the most. Other than my mom, of course. Haha. And you give such great advice! Oh my goodness. I think I would be stuck in some hole if you never taught me everything you have. I think I would feel really hopeless if I never listened to what you had to say. Camille Ann Ducut Lapid, I love you, dont ever think otherwise. :D

NGHIA:
-Its really fun walking to class with you like every morning. It makes me smile; it makes me feel like the day is going to be a good one. And even though we both have been slacking a lot lately, passing notes with you is so fun! Its kinda cute, too. Haha. Sometimes I cant read what youre writing, but who cares. I always figure it out later. Hahaha. I told you this before, but I think its so much cooler when you say "Lulzy." It really fits your voice, Idk why. HAHA. But you are soooooo lulzy, Nghia. Thats one of the main reasons why I love hanging out with you. And Im not sure if it was just for "teh lulz" but youre pretty much one of my best friends too. xD I like having deep conversations with you, it really helps me and touches my heart. And riding in the car with you?! SO FUN. OMG. Its like riding a rollercoaster. I have never had so much fun in a car. Ever. And when we were listening to classical music? HAHA. And even though I forgot that it was illegal, driving your car in the parking lot was so exciting. Oh maaaaan. Hahaha. Ever since we became friends, you made just about every day go brighter, Nyeh. [:

ATE AMY:
-You make me smile, all the time. You really are like an older sister to me. In soooo many ways. Its all my fault that we dont see each other that often. D: And we havent been able to update each other lately. But seriously, Ate. Its soooo crazy. Everything that we have been talking about keeps connecting. So here I am, pretty much following the footsteps that you have been making. Haha. I feel like I could be a much better ading to you, Ate. I feel like we could be so much closer. Im sorry. But for now, Im grateful that God put you in my life. Please stay. [: Im always praying for you!

ANGELO:
-Im still trying to get used to the haircut. xP Lolololol. Thanks for letting me steal your game. It was really entertaining. You know what? When I was hanging out with you, Tim, and Audrey at Target the other day, I realized how much fun it is to be in your presence. Haha. Well, all three of you made my day. Honestly. Im glad that we've gotten closer since last year, and Im glad that we're able to have more serious conversations, and that we can confide in each other. Thank you for listening to all of my "problems." Or whatever they are. Because now that I think about it, I was probably just overexaggerating. Hahaha. Im praying for you, Angelo. I dont want too much of a barrier to get in between us, if you know what I mean.

MICHELLE:
-Mary Michelle Rose Estrada. :D I miss yoooou. I wish we saw each other more often. I wish we hung out more. I wish we talked more. I wish you could go to Landstown. :[ But its okay. Despite the distance, and the lack of time together, I know in my heart that we are still SPBFFLs. <3 Dearest, I love everything about you. You are the one of the best people to ever come into my life. Im so thankful that God brought you here to me. I hope nothing ever gets inbetween the two of us. PS: I hope you grow taller than me one of these days. Hahaha. :D

TYLER:
-Happy birthday, Mr. Capil. [: Since Michael, Queenie, and Kirby are probably still at your house, Im sure youre having a blast. I know we dont talk that much, and I actually want to change that. Because that one night that I got to talk to you was great. It just made me realize how much I could relate to you. Its crazy to see things connect between us, since we're just like .. friends because our friends are the same friends. Haha. But like I said, one day .. we'll be great friends. And it sucks because I hear about you having bad days, or days when youre just too tired. It makes me feel bad, really. Haha. But you seem to be a really cool kid. Stick around, okay?

MICHELLE:
-Angeline Michelle Cabarrubias Dumadag. I bet you a million dollars that I spelled that wrong. Shoooot. D: (I just changed it after I checked your tumblr.) Hahah. But I felt like trying to spell it cause it reminded me of your license. Haha. But you are such an amusing person. I always have a nice vibe around you. And youre easy to talk to; its never uncomfortable. You know so much, I can tell. I should come to you more often for advice. Haha. And christmas caroling practice is more fun because of you! I like the picture we took together. xD My chin is sexy....? Why thank you! Haha. "OH OKAY MY NAME IS RIA AND I HAVE A NICE CHIN BUT NO ONE TELLS ME. OH OKAY." Ahahaha. You is so funny. And when we were shoving our faces behind our binders to see if we both got the Alto One part down. Hahaha. I cant wait to spend more time with you.

JORNEL:
-Ah, you are so cute. I know you probably get tired of hearing that.. cause I say it so often. Hahah. But you'll be manly soon. I know it. Your voice is going to get really deep and soon, everyone will regret thinking you were 12. HAHA. But marketing class is soooooo great. And youre one of the main reasons. Especially when we work on our manual! Youre a freakin genius, Jor. I wish I was like you. Haha. Youre smart, youre attractive, you dress nicely, youre friendly, youre everything! Man. I just love joking around with you. And our webcam pictures are soooo gaaaawjusss. Oh mah gawsh. Haha. And having those serious talks with you and AJ mean so much to me. I will spend the rest of my life having you as a good friend. Deal? And thank you so much for listening to me rant all class last year in English. Haha.

MARLON:
-I dont think I have ever gotten upset with you. Haha. Or mad, or anything. You seem to be happy a lot. And thats a good thing! I strongly agree with you when you said that it feels like we've known each other forever. Ever since the first practice for Kims debut that we got paired up together, I have grown to be really comfortable around you. And its fun to mess around with you. Your facial expressions are so funnny. We already have so many memories that I wont ever forget. Like the time you ripped your gray pants. Dx Haha. And the time you and Ronnie sneaked into my house, and the time you went all the way to my house to use the bathroom. LOLOLOLOLOL. And all the times I had to help you find Katie during homecoming. And Jor's birthday lunch when you made the black waiter laugh when you said, "Those are the gay boy desserts." to Chris and Aldric. HAHAHAHA. Oh man. Btw, your smile is soooooo cute. Ah. xP

JULIE:
-Sometimes I look at you, and I think to myself .. "I want to be like her one day." You are so pretty, Julie. Its undeniable. But its not just your appearance, your personality is so strong and likeable. And that talk that I had with you really meant something to me. A lot, actually. I hope that we can have more conversations like those. Because on some days, I just never find the right person to talk about that kinda stuff with. But you were the perfect person for that. Really.

RONNIE:
-Kekekeke. You know why I put you right under Julie? ;D HAHA. But Im happy for you, Ronnie. And I still remember our first heart-to-heart talk. It was because you wanted to since Johnny opened up to me. xP But Im glad we did have that talk! Its nice to open up to new people, and you simply listening to me helped out a lot. Youre really funny, Ronnie. And I like your hair. :P Sometimes I forget that our parents have known each other for a long time. I remember when we were tokboxing and we showed our moms to each other. But they didnt recognize each other. HAHAHA. Homecoming was pretty fun, yeah? For some reason .. I think IHOP was more fun. Haha. My steak was delicious.. right? You hardly ate anything. But yeah, this is for you, Ronnie. :[ Im sorry that I failed to write about you in the first place. This probably wont mean as much, so yeah. Haha. PS: I hope that chocolate sundae syrup satisfied you for your hot chocolate. Haha. And sorry that I ditched you guys. In my own house. Hahaha. Ekekeke, you guys are so cute. x]

JOHNNY:
-Fourth block on B days would suck so much without you. Im not even kidding. Haha. I enjoy passing notes back and forth with you during class when we arent allowed to talk. Lolol. I've learned so much about you through those. And you've taught me a lot of things as well. I dont know where we are right now as friends, but I feel like we're getting closer. And it feels pretty nice. Haha. Im happy for you both, Johnny. Treat her well, okay? Or I'll kick you upside the head. HAHA. Jaykaaay. Oh yeah, like I said .. you looked nice in Isiahs clothes the other day. :P

SUNSHINE:
-I always think about the times when we used to be best friends. And I have to admit, I miss you a lot. But at least we still get to talk to each other, right? And I still feel comfortable when we have those heart-to-heart conversations. I just wanted to say sorry for all those arguments we got into before. Haha, and I hope that we never get into those kinds of arguments again. I think its kinda funny that every time I think about you, I think of one thing that you said. "You and Kirby are so cute." Ah. Sunshine, you have really impacted my life so much. You probably dont even know.

ELAINE:
-Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for keeping in touch with me. Thank you for the jokes, the laughs, and the cute stories we shared. xD Thank you for the birthday gift that supposedly had a part two, but you never got me anything after that. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I CANT BELIEVE I JUST REMEMBERED THAT. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Lolololol. Anyways, Im sorry if I havent been myself for the past couple of days. I actually posted a tumbl about you, but then I posted it as private.. so now I cant find it myself. LOL. But basically, I just want to remind you that Im still here. And I guess everything I said that one day just wasnt what you wanted to hear. And Im sorry that I failed to tell you. I dont want to get back at you, Im not seeking revenge. But please, Elaine. I really really wish you would tell me something about your personal life here and there. Sometimes I never know how you feel, or what youre thinking about, or what you want. Not just sometimes, actually. About all the time. And I know, we do have really good times together. But then when I analyze it, I cant say that I know enough about you. Because I really dont. And its probably my fault. Maybe you just havent found the time to tell me anything like that. Or maybe I dont make you feel comfortable about those things. Or maybe you just .. cant. I mean, whether thats the situation here or not, I'll learn to accept life as it is. And I think I'll manage to not know these things. Instead, I'll just hope that I know enough to still be here as your best friend 82 years from now. Or longer. I still love you, and I always will.

KYLE:
I wish I could show you more often how much I care about you. And how much it means to me when youre simply there. And seeing you happy makes me happy, honestly. I said this before, but youre like a big brother to me. You seem to be down lately, so I hope you saw my post on tumblr. Stay strong. Youre an amazing guy; Im praying for you.

SARAH:
Its kinda sad to say this, but we arent really close compared to our other friends. But hay! Lately, I have been having so much fun around you. I like you, a lot Sarah. HAHA. You make me laugh so much, oh maaaan. Youre one of the reasons why my life has been so easy-going lately. I can always find something to laugh at with you. HAHA. And its so much better when we're the only two who understand why something is funny. I have missed you so much, girrl. I feel like we missed out on so many moments we could have shared. But its okay, we can fix that now, right? Haha. I dont think Ive ever told you this; but youre so cute. Youre pretty. And youre talented. Dont let anyone take you for granted, okay? And heck yes. Dante is beautiful. HAHA. And SNUZZLES. <3 LOLOLOL. And a couple days ago, Krish asked me about you when he texted me. And this is how we spelled your name: Shara Lamon. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

KIRBY:
-I seem to always want to save you for last. We really have been through so much. And I will never, ever forget the way you made me feel. Nor will I ever try to forget. June 28 was really a turning point in my life. That was the day you told me that you liked me. But then you said sorry, haha. Dont ever say sorry for how you feel; its like saying sorry for being real. But anyways, I feel like you brought me into a new world. I lived a life with you that I only saw in my dreams. There is really something about you, Kirbs. Because I have never felt so important, ever. You made me feel like the most beautiful girl to ever walk into your life. You made me feel so happy. If other girls could experience the love that you gave me, their hearts would be overflowing with joy. And surprisingly, mine still is. Every time I think about you, and every time I hear your voice, hear your name, or see your smile, I get that fuzzy feeling. Haha. I used to wonder all the time where I went wrong. Every time that you didnt talk to me, I felt stupid. I felt like I was at fault. Dont worry, it wasnt your fault either. I was just overthinking too much. And Im sorry for ever making you feel like I expected too much out of you. Im sorry if I ever made you feel like you had to change for me. But dont change. Because you have such a beautiful soul, you dont even know it. I know you have flaws, but babe. We all do. And there is just something about you that makes me fall for you more and more each day, regardless of what you've done in the past, and regardless of all the compliments you fail to accept. Dont be so hard on yourself, and dont try to change who you are if someone makes you feel bad. Dont hurt yourself and dont be disappointed in who you have become. Look in the mirror, Kirby. I dont know what you see, I dont know how you feel about yourself but listen. When I look at you, I see the man of my dreams. And Im being totally honest. I see the kind of guy every girl deserves. The kind of guy who is simple, compassionate, and humble. The kind of guy who shows exactly how much they care about you. The kind of guy who makes those memories you will never want to forget. The kind of guy who makes those butterflies flutter in your stomach. The kind of guy who knows when to smile, and knows when to lend out a hand. The kind of guy everyone appreciates, but the kind of guy who doesnt become prideful. The kind of guy that loves, and seeks to be loved. The kind of guy that offers something that can last forever, not something temporary. The kind of guy who wants to be somebody. But Kirby, you already are somebody. And I know that Im not the only person who thinks that. Honey, you are a great person. One day, I hope you believe me. Because you have taught me so much. You have impacted my life in so many ways, that its almost impossible to count. You taught me how to live life the way I was supposed to. You showed me how it felt to just live in the moment. Because every moment I had with you, I wanted to replay over and over again. You really are the only person who has showed me what its like to be amazing in every single aspect. You really are the only man to understand me. You really are the only man to accept me in every way. You really are the only man to show me what its like to fall in love, and to be in love. You really are the only man that makes it impossible for me to deny how you make me feel. You really are the only man that has come by and made me feel like the their most cherishable gift of life. I remember how much you wanted to hold my hand, and how afraid I was at first. I remember how much you wanted to see me. And we finally got our chance together: those 7-8 minutes at Walmart in the junior girls section. HAHAHA. I was soooo nervous. You were too. It was so funny. I kept getting scared that my mom was going to find us. And that was the first day we held hands. I remember you took one of my hands and put it inbetween both of your hands. That moment was so magical. When I was just looking into your eyes, and they just lit up when you felt my skin. And boooooyyy, I have never texted someone so much in my life. HAHA. I wish I was smart enough to save every cute text you sent me. I could probably write a book. I remember when we used to call each other babe, baby, darling, and honey. LOLOL. You used them so well, oh my gosh. And that one morning we spent together a few days before I left for Canada. And it was my "early birthday gift." I remember you driving towards my driveway and I snuck out the back door and you got so ecstatic. I will never forget the look you had on your face once you saw me. Your smile got sooooo big, I felt too happy. Haha. And Luis, your leopard, was sitting in the front seat. I brought him upstairs into my room, and before I left him on my bed, I smelled him. HAHA. And he smelled so gooood. Just like you. Oh man. Then I ran downstairs and went into your car. It was so funny, because you were so scared that my brothers were going to wake up and kill you or something. Then you reached into the backseat of your car and said .. "since I cant be with you on your birthday, I got you these." And it was a bouquet of red roses. And you know that I could punch myself even until today for being too afraid to accept them. We were scared that mommy was going to yell at me if she found out where I got them. So we spent like 10 minutes thinking about who we could give them to. HAHAHAHA. Then once we started driving into this empty court in my neighborhood, you immediately grabbed my hand. AHHHH. I was literally jumping up and down inside my mind. Haha. And we spent about an hour together! We were just listening to music, enjoying each others company. And I remember when I first laid my head on your shoulder. Then I held your hand and I turned my face towards you to smell you again. Hahaha. Then I put my head back on your shoulder and started to play with your fingers. Then you lifted up your shoulders and kissed me on my forehead. Maaaan. I remember that like it was just yesterday. And I remember that I kept looking at your eyes, but you looked so sleepy! Haha. Im sorry that it was so early in the morning. I remember that while I was holding your hand, I would look out the window occasionally. It felt so natural to be with you. And every time a car would pass by, I would duck down and you would hide me. HAHA. Then when we had like, 10 more minutes together.. we walked outside of the car. And we hugged. A lot. It felt soooo nice because my head just rested along your chest, perfectly..almost. Haha. And I would look up at you and smile, and you would kiss my forehead again. Then after awhile, it was time for me to go. So you hugged me again and said bye. But then I was like, "Wait. One more." That was so perfect, oh my gosh. And when I got home, you texted me saying that you wanted to spend the rest of your life spending time with me like that. And we had so many precious moments together, that I could probably blog about all of them for the next three days and still not be done. Haha. But for now, since things have changed, all we can say is: thats what life is. The ups, the downs, and the turn arounds. And I know that we both wanted it to work out, and I know that we both wanted to officially be together one day and last a lifetime, but its okay. We prayed about it, and we agreed that if it wasnt Gods plan, then it wasnt. So thank you for everything, Kirby. And no, Kirby and Ria are not over yet. And I hope we never will be. Because even though we're just going to be friends, I can honestly say that Kirby gives me the most happiness nowadays. Every time Im with him, its like .. the world doesnt matter. We just have to be carefree. And yeah, I think we're both still working on transitioning and changing some things around, but thats fine. Im really really grateful that I had that talk with you, Kirby. It helped me get a lot of things off my chest. I wish you the best in everything that you do, and please. Dont ever let anyone tell you that you are not valuable. Because you are more than that. Dont ever let anyone bring you down, and dont ever believe that you ever let me down. Because you didnt. I cant even imagine you letting me down. Dont worry. Whatever happened, has happened. And we're just going to move forward, just like you said. Dont forget to always smile, and have fun. You look spectacular when you smile and laugh. I know we'll both be truly happy one day, because now I know that true happiness exists. Because of you, because of us, actually. You already know this, but Im praying for you a lot. I always am praying for you, and I always will. I will never forget you and what we had, and how it felt. And I will never regret the times we shared. You have taught me so much, and I just want to say that you have made me a much better person. I dont know what life would be like if you were never there. You made summer so much fun. You made every morning of my life something to look forward to. Maybe after awhile, I'll forget some of the words you said, and maybe I'll forget some of the things we talked about, but you will always be in my heart. I promise you that. And one more thing, I love everything about you, and Im sorry if its way too late or if its wrong to say this, but I love you Kirby Anthony Santos Manaloto. And I always will.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ask me something, you guys.

http://www.formspring.com/forms/?737523-TQujkSy0wl

Remember when we told each other to pray for "us"?
I honestly do pray for us all of the time. Cause I still have hope.
But because of what is done, and how life turns out to be ..
I still pray for you as an individual. Every time I pray, I offer some of it for you.
I pray that you may find His Light. I pray that somehow things will work out.
I pray that someone beautiful will come along and open your eyes to realize the Truth.
And I just pray that you have faith in yourself, and I just pray that youre okay.
Sometimes I wonder if you do the same for me.
Sometimes I wonder if you ever think about me in your prayers.
Whether I am or not, always remember this:

"Pray, hope, and dont worry. :)"
- Adrian James Michael Castro. Bff.

Dream it.

I posted this on my tumblr and decided to post it here tooo.

It was two nights ago, and I still completely remember every little detail.

Anyways, it was getting late one night .. and I was in my house, actually me & Kirby’s house. I was in our daughter’s room and her name was Arielle. She was about 4-5 years old. Its funny because when Kirby and I were messing around one time, we named our children and our daughter’s name was going to be Arielle Roxanne, or something. Haha. So yeah.. Arielle and I were waiting for her daddy to come home from work. xD She was getting a little tired, so we set up a cute, pink tent and put it on top of her bed. To make it extra comfy, we put all these pillows and blankets inside. Arielle and I went inside and we just laid down for a while. I tickled her every now and then, and she had a cute little giggle. Just like Kirbys. Hahaha. I hugged my beautiful daughter while we laid there, and we waited .. and waited, and eventually, we both fell asleep. Then, Kirby finally comes home in his work uniform, it looked like the commissary work uniform. Hahaha. He slightly peeped through the opening of the tent, saw his two girls sleeping, and smiled. As he was looking down at us, I woke up and said, “Aw honey, youre home late. We were waiting for you.” And he told me that he wanted to go inside of the tent with us, but I told him he was too big. :P Hahaha. Soon enough, he convinced me and I told him to tuck Arielle into Sebastian’s bed. Sebastian was one of the names Kirby and I liked for our potential son. xD Lolololol. So Kirby comes back into the room and climbs into the small, little tent. And we both went into a peaceful sleep. The end. :] Hahaha.

Since no one really goes here anymore..

I guess I'll use it to my advantage? Nah, not really. Im not hiding myself from anybody.

I dont know exactly whats going on, but and I dont know whether its good or bad, but I like it.
I guess what I mean is, I dont necessarily understand how you feel.. but you seem happy.
Well, not all the time. But when you smile at me, I feel enlightened. Your smile makes my heart giggle.
Today was the first day I saw that side of you. A side of extreme disappointment and anger, almost.
And those words that came out of your mouth today were the first of its kind to ever reached my ears.
But I tried to comfort you. I dont know if my touch would be enough to calm you down a bit, but I tried.
And throughout third block, I would glance at you, just like I always do. And you looked so sad. I couldnt take it.
The expression on your face was full of resentment. And I stared at you for a moment, maybe about a minute or two.
Seeing you like that hurts me. And none of it is your fault, of course. Because feelings are uncontrollable. I know.
And as my eyes laid upon your face, I felt my body yearn for something. I felt like I should have done more.
Especially at that moment; probably one of the best chances to show how much I care. But it was impossible, I guess.
So as class continued, I started to see you smile and your eyes began to reflect the light in the way that they used to.
I finally heard your voice, in a more content tone. Once class was over, I waited for you outside the door.
And the walk to fourth block with you felt just like how we used to be. I missed it a lot.
I got the chance to feel the warmth of your skin once again. I stayed close by your side again.
Once the bell rang for dismissal of the school day, I was walking towards my classroom door.
And I saw you waiting outside for me, looking for my face in the crowd of students walking by.
Thats when I felt it. Thats when I felt the anxiety running through my body and my heart began to pump.
We walked side-by-side again. And I held onto your arm occasionally. Im sure people saw, but I dont mind.
I'd let the whole world see me next to you. I'd show them what its like to be a hopeful romantic like me.
As we made our way to the locker, I made sure that I was still on your left. I saw familiar faces passing by.
But you were all that mattered, really. It was time for us to end the school day, finally.
While I was expecting the usual wave from you, you stretched out both of your arms really wide.
And your eyes were brightly staring down at me. I placed my arms around your manly figure.
My head perfectly fit along your chest, just like we remembered.
And that was exactly what Ive been dreaming of all this time.
Kirby Anthony Santos Manaloto, Thank you. <3