Im sorry.

First of all, to you. I miss you a lot too. I cant believe we havent hung out at all this summer, just me and you. Cause you live like .. diagonally across from me. But Im always busy. And we dont even talk much on Aim or text each other. I know. And maybe it is both of our faults, but I think most of the reason is me. Im always out and about doing something. I should sacrifice my time for you too! Youre one of my best friends too. I hope we use the leftover time we have to catch up on each other. I dont want to be like, the best friend at school, lose touch during summer, and end up as best friends again when school starts back up.

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Then theres you. You always listen to my problems about him. I feel bad sometimes, like youre just a comforting blanket. But I hope you know that you arent. That you are actually a pretty good friend of mine, although we dont see each other much and met like .. near the end of the year. When I think about it, youve always been there! Through all of our jokes and when Im down, youre there. Youve offered me so much help and advice. Its crazy. And you always tell me to be happy or when I should be happy. People say that Im always bubbly and giddy and laugh and smile a whole bunch. But when I talk to you, I can show all of my sides to you. And you still put up with me and you still give me advice and whats on your mind. Im glad we got closer. You are too, right? Haha. Thanks, Nghia.

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Dear AMP43,
Im the youngest "member." (Well, besides Cristelle.) I should start acting like it. Im really sorry, Ive been demanding like .. forever. And Ive come to notice it, and you guys go through it all the time. This sorry probably isnt enough, so I plan on doing something about it, okay? I know Im the youngest and all, but sometimes you all dont take the intiative. -_- I hope one day we'll get at the point where we all have the same level of responsibility. We're like family; it should stay that way.

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I miss you a lot. Im so glad you surprised me today. Highlight of my day was being able to talk to you and just know that you were physically there. And that I could just look into your eyes and know that we were still best friends. :D Im so grateful that youre there for me spiritually, and that youre always praying for me. Because I need it. And I promise, Im praying for you too. Everything will be okay soon, okay? We just have to give God some time to help us out, when He knows that we're ready. Thanks, SPBFFL. I love you. <3

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If we never started off on the wrong foot, I would probably see you different. And our relationship would have been better probably. But I cant get over it. Something about you makes seem like youre just playing along with me. If you dont know, its not very comfortable for me to be around you. Im sorry, I just havent been able to see beyond our past.

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Its nice to know that youre very open to me and that you trust me. It was nice to know that you knew that I was there for you, and that any given time I needed you, you would offer yourself to me. You listen to my problems all the time. And Im still confused about you two. I dont know what to say sometimes. And Im sorry about that, I can only give so much advice. Oh yeah, have fun eating cold and soft food. xD

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Man, youre always there for me too. Sometimes I get annoyed by you, or it sucks when you dont listen to my advice, but its okay. I'll sing for you next time. Just not today. Oh yeah, I pray for you a lot.

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I just now read your blog. I had a feeling this was going to happen, I just didnt do anything about it. And its totally my fault. I know. You shouldnt blame her with me because Ive hurt you so much more. But its hard for me as well, because now I never know when its hurting you. Because I try to have so much fun with you, because I feel so comfortable around you. But now I dont know what to do or say. Like, when I was tackling you that one time .. I thought it was cute like we were sisters. You were laughing so hard and I was laughing too. And then we got in trouble together, but I didnt mind. And then we listened to them prank call people, and I thought you were having fun. The myspace survey?! Oh my gosh. That was all jokes. I wasnt even bored and no where in the survey was I being serious. I PROMISE. I thought you would understand, I thought you were joking around with me and her as well. You were laughing! And its so difficult for me to know how you feel now because youre like .. an illusion. I dont know whats going on inside because what I see, your image, is totally opposite! I cant watch you laugh there and seem like youre having so much fun, if inside youre dying. Its hard. Its complicated for me to try to impress you, to try to entertain you, but then read your blog and feel like a failure. That this whole time, that whole trip, this whole summer, I was nothing to you but a jerk. That I was never deservant of being called your bestfriend. That you were better off without me. Ah, Im just so .. I dont even know. Ive never felt like this. I love you so much and I always have. And Ive always been grateful for having you as a bestfriend and I thought you knew. I was so glad to be able to look back and know that you put up with me all the time and that you were always there for me when I talked about anything! All our conversations meant something to me! Whether we were talking about crushes, or AMP43, or Restaurant City, or Youtube Videos, or ANYTHING. I loved every conversation I had with you, and I still do. Its really bad right now because I miss you. Because I dont even know how to make it up to you. I dont even know if anything would fix it because I'd probably mess up again. But from now on, Im really really going to try not to hurt you. I want to live up to my name as your bestfriend. I want to be able to tell the world that we've gone through so much and that we're still going strong. Please, can we talk about this and start all over again? I miss you.

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Whats happening? How come I cant think of you without hurting? How come I cant think of you without feeling like crying? How come I feel like its already too late? How come you are scared of me? You said: I guess cause you helped me with Catholicism, and right now, I am scared out of my mind about it, and since I associate you with Catholicism, I'm scared of you. Im not giving up hope. As much as you put yourself down, as much as you say you can't do it, I still have hope in you. Even if I cant talk to you, even if youre afraid to associate yourself with me, or even be in my presence, I'll constantly pray for you. I will discern my vocation, and pray for yours. If the only help I can give is help away from you, then I'll do it. I guess I'll have to detach myself from you, if thats what you think you need. I have not regret any moment I've had with you. I have not regret ever getting into this situation with you. I still want to help you. But remember? God will not force himself into you, you must allow Him and want Him within your heart. And God's Mercy is so infinite! You just have to take the opportunity and have the desire in you to want purity. To be able to be worthy of His Praise and have the ability to console Him. And if you arent ready, thats okay! I completely understand. This is your own journey, you take it as slow or as fast as you want. God will work Himself within you if you allow it. If you open yourself up to Him, when youre prepared. And I know youre really shaky about this. And that youre terrified. But I want you to know that Im here. But if you dont want me here, then I'll accept it. You dont know what you want yet. Maybe God will let you know what His Preference is. What He brought you here for. But in the mean time, Im going to continue praying for you. And all those people I have told about you, are praying for you as well. And no, this is not goodbye.