Thank God.

I love starting it off that way. "Thank God." I really should, more often I mean. Yesterday was such a fruitful day for me. I learned so much and I opened up so much. It was just great. Mhcc, you guys are an amazing bunch of kids. I'd love to be surrounded by you guys forever. Well, yesterday at Kapamilya during Q&A, I got so much out of it. One of the questions that got to me the most was like, "How do you know how to convert someone correctly, especially of the opposite sex?" Amy's answer was mortification. Mortification is a great sacrifice, it really is. When it comes to the opposite sex, mortification is not standing too close to one another all the time, its not always touching each other, its not looking each other straight in the eye every time. I want to do this. I feel like mortification will get us so far. It'll make us so strong & realize so much more. But most of all, it will help us to seek God more. That in the times we get tempted to come in contact with each other, we ask for God's help. That in the times when I just want to hold you, I'll tell God, "May Your Love be sufficient for me." Mortification is a powerful spiritual excercise. And Im totally up for it. In fact, Im starting today. Also, I love what Rochelle said. Its sad that I cant remember exactly what she said, but she said something like .. "Hide your heart in God. So if the guy wants to come chasing after your heart, he'll have to know God's Love first." Im going to ask her what she said exactly. It was really powerful. And the message is so amazing, in a way that I would have never thought, honestly. I want to hide my heart in God. I'll show you my love, but I want to show you God's Love first. I want you to feel His Mercy, I want you to see His Grace. I want you to feel Him, Truly Present. Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity.
I know this is getting really long, but I still have a lot to say. Im telling you, my day was really fruitful. So, while everyone was line dancing & just having a good time at Kapamilya, I decided to talk to Auntie Tes. Im going to start talking to her more often. She really is so easy to talk to, Im so comfortable around her. And she has really gone through a lot, and almost all of her advice comes from personal experience, which is good, because I learn so much better when I can connect. But anyways, I told her about him & our situation. I told her how he really really likes me, but I told him to wait. That I told him to wait, until I was ready, until I felt that we were both ready. And I told her of his patience, of his willingness, of his committment. Then I told her what hurt me most. I almost cried, honestly. Because she understood how I felt. She understood that I would want a chaste spouse. Someone who reserved themselves for a later time, when God gave complete permission. Not when you lose yourself, but when you sacrifice & offer up everything, until the day, when your pledge is amended because of that most beautiful day of your life. I told her that we wanted to put it into God's hand. I told her that I wanted to help you grow into your faith. I told her that I wanted time & space, and that you understood that. I told her that your values & beliefs are so amazing, but when you fall short .. you lose everything. Completely. And I told her thats what confused me. I told her thats what hurt me the most. That when you forget some of your values, you forget all of them. That I didnt know what happened at the time, and I dont know where God was at that time in your heart. I told her that I want you to go to confession, and adoration. I told her that you realized that it was time to change. And that you wanted to be a better person, not for me, but for yourself & for the Greater Glory of God. She told me that it seems like Im doing the right thing. She told me that whether something happens to us in the future, everything will turn out for the better. Because even if we're not intended for each other, then I saved your soul. Even if we dont get together, I helped God convert your heart & open your eyes to the Light. She told me that I should start inviting you to our youth events, and that you'll really see change within your heart. I told her that some of us were already friends with him, so that its much easier for him to be comfortable with us. I hope you do come, Im sure you will. I hope you join us, cause I can only do so much. I am offering a lot for you, but like we talked about yesterday at Kapamilya, a guy needs another guy too. Same gender friendships work so well anywhere in life, even spirtitually. God gave same gender friendships so that you can be taught to serve & love God in the way you were made to, from the same point of view you have. I know its going to take time, I know its going to be a lot to take in, I know its going to take a while for you to understand & follow what we do, but I know you'll make it. Everyone has their own needed amount of time, everyone lives life at their own pace. So lets watch & guide you into taking baby steps to live your life for God.