Excited.

Today is going to be a good day, I hope. Well .. I woke up early to wait for my mom to come home & shes already stressed out. -_- She tried to email her boss this morning, but then it all got erased when she was going to send it, so she just left without typing another email. Then on her way home, there was an accident & they blocked the road so she had to take a longer route home. And now, shes being all confusing about our ride to Virginia Wesleyan later on. So Im going to ask my dad if he is okay with us going with Christine, and if he is .. then we'll go with them. But yeah, hopefully the day turns out to be better. Im pretty nervous about our AMP43 performance today. Im praying that we sound good & that we only have a few technological errors, if not any. This is like our huge performance in front of a large crowd & we're opening for Stephanie Reese! So hopefully people like us & cheer for us. :D Support & love always keeps us going. We're doing PYC Rondalla too, and I think we're good with that. I just hope the 10 minute gap between PYC & AMP43 is enough for us to get ready.

On the other hand, I already feel like we're growing distant. WHY?! I hardly talked to you yesterday. But this is all about the time and space thing, right? Unless youre still sad & down. I want to help you, but I dont know how. I dont know what to do. And promise, I still want to help you change and become a better man not only for you but for God. Nghia and I were talking about it yesterday before you came over.

[11:09] Me: I know. I dont want to make it seem like or feel like Im the rebound just so his break up doesnt hurt him as much.
[11:09] Me: Im not planning to get a boyfriend soon anyways.
[11:09] Nghia: i mean its not about the title
[11:09] Me: OF COURSE.
[11:10] Me: Even if Im really really in love with someone, I'd like to have some time to make sure I know what Im doing.
[11:11] Nghia: well thats a good thing then
[11:11] Me: Yeah, I promise. Im pretty sure I know what Im doing.
[11:11] Nghia: mkay.
[11:11] Me: And if I ever lose sight of what Im doing, then I'll tell someone and seek help.
[11:12] Nghia: just keep that in mind then
[11:12] Me: I will.
[11:12] Me: You already know that Ive never had a boyfriend. And this first boyfriend spot really means so much to me.
[11:12] Nghia: yeah
[11:13] Me: And it definitely isnt just the title. Its the feeling. I have to feel like I know this is right. And not only do I have to feel it, I want my family & friends to think that Im doing things right.
[11:14] Me: I mean, the title plays a role too though. I would love to marry my first boyfriend because of such a strong bond & love. But thats like .. a miracle. But that doesnt mean like Im losing hope about it.
[11:14] Nghia Le: it seems like you know what youre doing ria
[11:14] Nghia Le: just keep that up
[11:15] Me: Thanks.
[11:15] Nghia: god, family, and friends. youve got your piority straight
[11:15] Me: Yeah, I poured out my whole life story at the moment with my auntie yesterday. & she also said that she feels like I know what Im doing.

[11:31] Nghia: so the point that im getting at is that
[11:32] Nghia: its a good thing that youre helping him get closer to god
[11:32] Nghia: and i hope that everything work out well
[11:32] Nghia: and he put god first during this ordeal
[11:32] Me: Mhmm.
[11:33] Nghia: i dont want him to use god as a way to get to you thats what im trying to get at
[11:33] Me: Every moment of your life, you need God. There isnt a time when He shouldnt be there. And hes starting to realize that.
[11:33] Me: And exactly.
[11:34] Me: I told him not to do this for me. But for himself, so that he may become a better person. But not only for himself, but for the Greater Glory of God. So that he may become a better child of God, and share it with the sinful world we're living in.
[11:34] Nghia: i hope that he can see that
[11:35] Nghia: i dont want him to repeat the same mistakes as he did in the past
[11:35] Nghia: i dont want him to change for anyone but himself.
[11:35] Me: Exactly what I said in my blog, it doesnt matter what happens to us. I mean, it does matter, but I cant really word it in the way I'd like to. If God doesnt intend anything for me & Kirby, then okay. If Kirby isnt the one God has planned for me, then okay. Either way, Im going to benefit from this. & so will he, I hope. Either way, Im going to work to save his soul. Because hes so broken. And I cant help to see him smiling when his relationship with God is almost fading.
[11:38] Me: And honestly, if he does this for me .. then there is no reality to it. He really wont learn anything from it if he does it for me. If he does it for me, then how does he show God that he believes that God is important? If hes doing this for me, then he might as well quit. Cause doing it for me gets him no where. He needs to want this for himself. He needs to want this because he wants God. Thats what I want to see in the end of all this. I want him to be so deeply in love with God .. so much that he might even forget that Im even here. I want him to fall so deep in love with God that I just become another child of God.
[11:38] Me: I dont want him to forget me, but I'd rather be forgotten instead of Kirby forgetting God's love.
[11:40] Nghia: yeah i hope that he understand that
[11:40] Me: I know.
[11:40] Me: But Im not expecting him to understand it anytime soon.
[11:41] Nghia: for now just give him time
[11:41] Me: I mean, if he does understand it soon .. then great. Lets keep moving ahead & following God's Will. But if it takes more time, then I'll stick around & let him go his own pace.

PS: For all of you guys who are actually reading my posts, Im sorry that theyre so long. -_- Dont waste your time reading them if you dont find them interesting. Hahaha.