So I wrote down quite a lot inside my planner, especially from June 1st to June 9th. But its hard to put all my thoughts into words or describe their meanings on a thin piece of paper. Still, I decided I'd type them up here.
June 1:
So wasnt it supposed to happen today? why did you come to me? why did you look at me? why did you smile at me? this isnt what your plan was. you were supposed to leave me. youre supposed to be gone. Im supposed to be gone. erase me now, and dont leave any marks. You thought it would be easy to throw me away.
June 2:
I hate how you feel like I'll just be around until she decides to be open to you. Maybe someday you'll realize what its like to be me. and you think telling me the truth would destroy me? well, it would. but I'd rather you tell me than keep doing it like nothing ever happened.
June 3:
If you werent being untruthful, then what were you being? and it doesnt matter .. whether I talk to 7932 boys or zero, I dont need you to be that way. Honestly, I would never imagine you to even try to hurt me like this. I thought you said, "I would never hurt you, Ria." so what did you do? is this not supposed to hurt me? cause it does hurt, like never before.
June 4:
Okay, I admit. I did ignore you in person. I didnt want you to walk me to class today. I didnt want you to smile at me & talk to me like nothing was wrong. That you & I are okay. Who are we fooling? Except for each other, no one. I need to know that you want me to be in your life, even just as friends or whatever God has planned. I cant say that I will wait for you .. cause I dont know if I can.
June 5:
"Youre in my head like a song on the radio. Maybe I just gotta get next to you." So today is the third day of your contemplating. and Im guessing everything is going back and forth in your mind. but I think I made a choice. Maybe you can just stay on my mind and out of my heart.
June 8:
Why did he say that to you? since when did he start to care or defend me like that? but Im glad you want to ignore to him. Im glad that you'll fight for me. why is it that when you start to walk away I start to want you by my side? my feelings always change; lets wait and see where this love goes.
June 9:
I hope you liked it. :] but .. Im starting to feel like you dont even want to talk to me anymore. but I hope you wont leave me. I wont be able to stay away from you. if he says something to you, please let me know. but wait, am I even worth the trouble? I want you to fight for me .. but you'd rather stick up for her anyways. so whats the point? is there even a point?
Well, today is June 17, obviously. And as an update, I havent had any success. :[ Hes been having the "best days of his life so far" because of her. Im happy and all, but doesnt it hurt everyone when they watch the one they love happy with somebody else? & no, they arent together .. but what are the chances? No one knows, but they sure have gotten closer. They feel the same way about each other, while I sit here. though I already feel that I lost him, she claims that I am part of her competition for him. clearly, shes winning. and she is one of my good friends & I dont want to ruin anything between the two of us. ... we've been through a problem like this before. well anyways, I still like you. & I still dont understand how I fell for you after you got over me. & I still dont understand why I didnt realize how amazing of a boyfriend you would have been or could have been. & I still dont understand how you got over me in what .. hours?! I've always had a hard time letting go of someone, but maybe I didnt mean as much. maybe I didnt count. Ugh. I always put myself down because of this situation, but I still manage to want you. I need you. Why did I just realize that? & why havent you realized that yet?
"I got time. If my time is spent waiting on you, then I got time."
June 1:
So wasnt it supposed to happen today? why did you come to me? why did you look at me? why did you smile at me? this isnt what your plan was. you were supposed to leave me. youre supposed to be gone. Im supposed to be gone. erase me now, and dont leave any marks. You thought it would be easy to throw me away.
June 2:
I hate how you feel like I'll just be around until she decides to be open to you. Maybe someday you'll realize what its like to be me. and you think telling me the truth would destroy me? well, it would. but I'd rather you tell me than keep doing it like nothing ever happened.
June 3:
If you werent being untruthful, then what were you being? and it doesnt matter .. whether I talk to 7932 boys or zero, I dont need you to be that way. Honestly, I would never imagine you to even try to hurt me like this. I thought you said, "I would never hurt you, Ria." so what did you do? is this not supposed to hurt me? cause it does hurt, like never before.
June 4:
Okay, I admit. I did ignore you in person. I didnt want you to walk me to class today. I didnt want you to smile at me & talk to me like nothing was wrong. That you & I are okay. Who are we fooling? Except for each other, no one. I need to know that you want me to be in your life, even just as friends or whatever God has planned. I cant say that I will wait for you .. cause I dont know if I can.
June 5:
"Youre in my head like a song on the radio. Maybe I just gotta get next to you." So today is the third day of your contemplating. and Im guessing everything is going back and forth in your mind. but I think I made a choice. Maybe you can just stay on my mind and out of my heart.
June 8:
Why did he say that to you? since when did he start to care or defend me like that? but Im glad you want to ignore to him. Im glad that you'll fight for me. why is it that when you start to walk away I start to want you by my side? my feelings always change; lets wait and see where this love goes.
June 9:
I hope you liked it. :] but .. Im starting to feel like you dont even want to talk to me anymore. but I hope you wont leave me. I wont be able to stay away from you. if he says something to you, please let me know. but wait, am I even worth the trouble? I want you to fight for me .. but you'd rather stick up for her anyways. so whats the point? is there even a point?
Well, today is June 17, obviously. And as an update, I havent had any success. :[ Hes been having the "best days of his life so far" because of her. Im happy and all, but doesnt it hurt everyone when they watch the one they love happy with somebody else? & no, they arent together .. but what are the chances? No one knows, but they sure have gotten closer. They feel the same way about each other, while I sit here. though I already feel that I lost him, she claims that I am part of her competition for him. clearly, shes winning. and she is one of my good friends & I dont want to ruin anything between the two of us. ... we've been through a problem like this before. well anyways, I still like you. & I still dont understand how I fell for you after you got over me. & I still dont understand why I didnt realize how amazing of a boyfriend you would have been or could have been. & I still dont understand how you got over me in what .. hours?! I've always had a hard time letting go of someone, but maybe I didnt mean as much. maybe I didnt count. Ugh. I always put myself down because of this situation, but I still manage to want you. I need you. Why did I just realize that? & why havent you realized that yet?
"I got time. If my time is spent waiting on you, then I got time."
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