Real Eyes. Real Lies. Realize.

Finally, Ive been able to do all three of these aspects. I saw who you really were through my eyes. I gazed upon your eyes and saw who you were inside. I saw your pain and suffering, but I didnt help you. I didnt help you cope with it, instead I put more pressure on your shoulders. Instead, I wanted to hate you. I wanted to bring you down. And after last night/early morning .. I knew it. I knew you lied to me. And it hurts me more because you didnt see the reality of it, you didnt admit to your lies. Until last night.

[02:25] JC Gonzales: Ria
[02:25] JC Gonzales: i've been lying all this time
[02:25] JC Gonzales: i was using you as a back up

I want to cry, but I dont think its worth it. Where do these tears lead me to anyways? Nothingness. Just sorrow within myself. And I dont need that right now. But my heart hurts so much now. Because you told me that you would never lie to me. You told me that you would never want to hurt me. You told me that you would always stay truthful to me. I dont know what to say or what to do. What was real then, JC? Did I even ever get to experience the real you? Do I know someone else?

And last night, I was talking to Sr. Michelle on the phone. Until 4 am, that is. Shes always the one that opens my eyes, opens my heart, and makes me realize whats right. I realized that I messed up here too. I bombarded you. I found your flaws & I turned them against you. I dont want to hurt you anymore, Ive caused you enough pain. So last night/early morning, I realized that I wanted to work things out. That I wanted to forgive you & start over. And I realized that I feel like I should take the blame for this. I realized that maybe this whole time it was my fault. Maybe the things I did or said caused you to be that way. But Im not sure anymore after you told me that you used me. Nothing hurts me more than being used. So I probably sound so confusing as of right now, but I really am. I need time, a lot of it.